Friday, March 31, 2006
I haven’t been here in a little while, because I’ve been all over the country in the last 3 weeks. The only states I haven’t been to is Maine, Vermont, and New Hampshire! But give me just a little while and I’ll be up there too. I’ve driven 19,000 miles in the last 3 weeks. I’ve seen accidents that would make you cringe and I’ve seen weather that has pushed 80,000 lbs off the road. I now drive a big truck and love every minute of it!
Monday, December 12, 2005
This is my Public Apology to a few people that I upset. I was in the wrong for what I did to these people, they know who they are......I apologize To you! I was in the wrong with the way I went about the situation, I should have took it Private. At the time I didn't realize how it would upset everyone. I was just trying to find out who it was that did what was done. I didn't know who it was........I didn't mean for it to sound like I was accusing any of you. If it sounded that way, I'm Sorry! I thought I was asking not accusing! My Bad Fat Fingers!
Will you Please except My apology???
Lestat
Saturday, December 10, 2005
I don't understand the bullshit that family puts you through. I just got an email from my father the first time I've heard anything from him in about a year. And he was real short with me and stuff and that just makes me think that I've disappointed him in some way. This is how I see it if he doesn't like what I've turned in to then he can go strait to hell and I'll meet him there! I'm just tired of being treated like a fucking outsider in my own family. So Fuck'em!!!!
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Funny How Dreams Can Scare You.
So their I am laying in bed last night as I drift off to never, neverland I have a few dreams nothing major and then I have this one dream that seems like it last for just about all night. The dream I have I've had one time before just on a different stretch of road. I know what day I die, and what time I die. I'm driving down the road minding my own business and I go over a hill on my side of the road and this Big truck tops the hill on my side and hit's me head on. I died in my dream and as I started to leave and float away. I turned and looked at the damage of my car and what was left of me. Where I normaly set was back at the back seat and the hood was in the driver seat. I was almost in the trunk, I had a piece of medal from the big truck in my chest with blood flowing in every direction. The day was April 22, 2009. The time was 2:33am. After seeing myself like this I was glad to know I was dead...........Then I woke up from asleep worrying if this dream would come reality.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
I feel like complete shit today. I feel like I could stick my head in a blender and turn it wide ass open and I wouldn't feel as bad as I do right now. I could take and stand in the middle of the road and get hit by an 18 wheeler 20 times and I would feel this bad. But anyway Other than that my day has sucked. Nah just playin, my son is over and I can't even play with him because he wants to do stuff and I just don't feel like doing anything. I just feel like throwing my breakfast up and everything else in my body up ever time I move. But I've done good.......I still feel like Superman.
Thats it from me today. I'll talk to everyone another day!
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
You know I ws looking back in the past and I was thinking about how shitty my life has been and if I could change things what would I change. And I thought about it for about 1 second and I figured I would change just about everything that I've ever done in life. The only thing I wouldn't change about my life is my wife and her son! But everything else I would change in a heart beat. If I could change anything I would change ever being brought in to this god for saken hell hole called earth. That way every person that I've ever hurt in life would have never gotton hurt! I have this problem and it will most likely be the death of me.........and thats everyone I've ever hurt, I can't forgive myself for what I've done! It's called......well I don't what it's called be I know alot of it is Self esteam I don't have any! I'm not trying to get someone to feel sorry for me because of how I've lived my life but if anyone has any advise by all means please give me some! My life hasn't been a bed of roses but it's been better than some people's and I thank my lucky stars for being able to wake up.......sometimes. I just wish I knew how to forgive myself for my mistakes in life! And how to forgive my parents for there mistakes in life........Like for conciving me!!!!!!!!!
My Life as a shitty person!!!!!
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
I do belive it is time for a change in this fucked up place called home! The only thing I care about anymore is my wife and my sister and just a few friends. But everyone else that has a problem with me can just suck my dick! I'm to the point in my life to where I can't worry about what other people think or feel about me! So the only thing I can say about that is........If you have something to say to me say it and don't be a pussy about it! I promise you can throw the world at me and I won't break ever again! I'll still give advise when I can. But If it doesn't make any sense don't use it. If you think I'm good enough for advise when I ask for it, then by all means please give some but if not just keep on surfing to someone elses blog and stay the fuck off mine! I'M JUST TIRED OF WASTING MY TIME ON PEOPLE WHO DON'T GIVE A FUCK!!!!!!!
If you're link is on my site you are the ones I care about and everyone else can kiss my ass!!!!
Sunday, November 06, 2005
You know as of late I've been talking about 2 friends I had growing up and it brings up alot of memories. Like Jeff him and I were pretty close and he new about my girlfriends and I knew about his one girlfriend. He was pretty popular in school and I was like his shadow clinching to him like I had no other friends. We had this one friend he was a dwarf and these two when they hooked up they were the funniest people in school. But Jeff and his girlfriend were having problems and no one else saw it. But there perfect realationship went south. She wanted to see other people because she wasn't happy. They started fighting more and you could tell that Jeff wanted everything to work out between his self and Jill. But Jill just didn't want it to work out. So she broke up with him......I was the last person he talked to. He called me up after Jill broke up with him and he told me that he was going to kill his self. I tried to talk him out of it and he just wouldn't listen. He told me that he was going to her house to kill him self and he didn't care who he hurt. So I raced to her house to hear the gun go off and to see him fall to the ground, I saw the blood start racing down the driveway. I fell to my knees and tears rolled down my face not knowing what to do. I called 911 and told them what had happen and they told me to stay there until they got there. So thats what I did.Wanting to pick him up the whole time but didn't know what to do. The Paramedics showed up and they talked to me and asked me what had happen and I got about half way through with the story and his ex-girlfriend shows up! I stopped talking to them and ran to her.......(I didn't want her to see Jeff like that)! The cops came up to me later on and handed me a piece of paper. It was a note from Jeff to Jill telling her why he did what he did. It was read at the funeral! With her tears rolling off her chin he went through the names of all his friends apologizing to them for what he had done. And told Jill that he loved her until death do us part! And then Apologized to her as well!
Jeff I just want you to know that I miss you and loved you like a brother! I just wish i could talk to you one on one like we use to do! Always holding you close to my heart!
You're Loving brother!
